Gratitude softens hearts

This is an old post that i've been wanted to put up for a while so i guess it's better late than never right?
this is from september 9, 2014.

I’ll be completely honest, coming home from a mission is hard. I miss my España, the people, the missionaries, the culture, but mainly i miss that spirit that you carry as a missionary. I miss feeling that close to God every day. I never really realized how powerful that spirit was that I was given as a missionary until it was gone. Yes, i can definitely still feel the spirit although i’m no longer a missionary but it’s different. Any returned missionary will understand what i’m talking about. For a year and a half, I tried to be as obedient as possible and in result the holy ghost was my constant and very noticeable companion. There were no distractions, no hindrances, no outside worries; just full focus on the Lord each and every day. 

I still feel God’s mercy in my life. Yes, i am finding that i have to pay a little more attention to that but his mercy and love has not changed. Nor will it ever change. His love is unchanging. 

Life isn’t perfect. Life is hard, it’s wonderful, it’s bitter, it’s sweet, it’s painful, and it’s joyous. 

Once again the atonement makes that all possible. It’s the reason God can know and answer our prayers. It’s the reason we can find happiness again after so much pain. 

What i learned on my mission has shaped and provided a guide for the rest of my life. For example:

The other day I was trying to drive to my first day of an internship for my program at BYU when the car I was driving broke down, leaving me helpless and stranded. It had already been such a stressful and difficult week and as I was already overwhelmed, this was my breaking point. Humiliated, I had to call in and tell the people at my internship that I wouldn’t be able to make it for my first day. Starting off with a bad impression wasn’t exactly what i was hoping for. As i hung up the phone, I slammed my hand against the steering wheel and began to form a fist to shake towards heaven for allowing this to happen when I had a bit of a flashback of some specific moments of my mission. I was taken back to a specific night when I came back home after a day where everything that could have gone wrong, did go wrong. I remember throwing myself on my bed, shaking my fist towards heaven and asking God “why? why lord? You know just how much i need this and how important this is to me! why?” The Lord let me know that He was in charge and that everything would work for my good. He reminded me that His son atoned for all of those bitter moments so that they could become sweet through him. I remember falling to my knees in humble tears as i remembered all God had done for me. It was in moments like those that i knew that God has a plan for me and that everything would work out in time. 

In my broken-down car, I was overtaken by those same emotions of gratitude and humility as I recognized that there was a reason for this and that the Lord knows better. this was just the humility check that i needed. I so desperately needed a moment to remember my dependance on God and how much he loves me. Yeah, i was frustrated that i had had such a rough week but as soon as i remembered those mission experiences that frustration melted away and was replaced with nothing but love and gratitude. Once again i was able to say, “thank you lord. for loving me enough to cut me down. For loving me enough to hurt me” -Elder Christofferson. 

Gratitude softens the hardest, most bitter hearts 

Once again, I learned the importance of “Come what may and love it” 

jessi israelsen

He makes it enough

Well, it’s been a while since I’ve come home so I figure it’s about time that I start writing again. 

The last two weeks have been full of large and small miracles. So many people have been asking how I’m holding up or what I’m feeling and to answer that I’m doing great and I’m so full of gratitude. The Lord is truly sustaining us through all of this and He has definitely extended us His merciful hand again and again. There have been so many people that have showed us God’s perfect love through their selfless service and sacrifices. I cannot thank all of you enough for the mercy you have shown us. It just strengthens my testimony that a lot of the time, God shows us his infinite love through others.

Last week I had a huge advanced functional anatomy exam at BYU that I was so nervous for. I hadn’t had time to study at all due to the circumstances so all I could do is get on my knees and ask for divine help. I was trying to prioritize and I knew that my family needed to come before even my studies in this situation so I asked a merciful Heavenly Father to help me because I couldn’t do this all alone. I begged Him to just help me get a passing score on the test so I wouldn’t fail the class. I did all I could to cram for the test the morning of but I didn’t feel like it wasn’t even close to sufficient to what I needed to have studied. I walked into the class with a prayer in my heart and trusted that with faith in Jesus Christ all things are possible.

Surprisingly, I was the first to finish the test and handed it to my T.A. to be graded. I didn’t feel like I had failed but I also didn’t feel like I did amazing either. The test was out of 100 points but there were 4 bonus questions making it possible to get 104 points out of 100. My T.A. handed me back my paper and my jaw dropped as I saw my score: 103/100. I had missed a single bonus question. That was all! My T.A. said it was one of the highest scores they had seen so far on this test. I walked out of the classroom on cloud 9. As soon as I walked out I found an empty classroom and got down on my knees to thank my Heavenly Father. I was so overwhelmed with gratitude and felt so humbled. I cannot deny that I had divine help during that test. It was the most incredible experience because as I was taking the test I felt as though my mind was clear and that everything that I had ever been taught about this subject was freely coming to my memory. It was a perfect example of John 14:26.

“But the comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, 
whom the Father will send in my name,

he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance…”

It would be completely and utterly wrong of me to try to take even partial credit for that score because I know without a doubt that it was because of God. That was a huge miracle for me and I can’t deny that I received divine help. I learned a lot from that experience. It wasn’t until the next day, however, that I learned an incredible lesson from my aunt about my experience. She compared it to the atonement. Alone our efforts will never be sufficient. No matter what we do it will never be enough but through the Savior’s atonement it’s enough. In fact, the atonement makes it more than enough. The atonement takes our insignificant efforts and our weaknesses and makes them more than sufficient through our faith in Him. I wasn’t able to do it on my own. My very best efforts didn’t even come close to being enough but God took my faith and my desires and made up the difference. He even made it more than what I thought was possible. The atonement is my favorite thing in the entire world. I will never quite understand it’s greatness and magnitude but as I do learn more about it I am filled with even more gratitude. The Lord is so merciful to us even when we don’t deserve it. That’s perfect love. I testify that he loves us so dearly and is so very aware of each of our individual situations. He’s there and he loves you. Don’t ever doubt that.

God is supporting us and making our burdens light.

Through Christ, all things are possible

 Love you all!

Come what may and love it

Jessi Israelsen