We´ve
officially entered the summer here....or that´s what I say. Everyone else
merely says, ¨Oh sweetheart, it´s merely just starting.¨ There are thermometers on every corner and according to those thermometers we
hit 46ºC here on Wednesday. that´s 114ºF. Yes. That is not a joke. Everyone
just laughs and says it´s just starting.
It
started out as an incredibly disappointing week as all of our efforts seemed to
fall apart. It seemed that the harder I worked the quicker things seemed to
crumble. After an especially rough day, we came home, planned
for the next day, and I went back into our room to talked to the Lord. I was
frustrated and mad. I walked into our room and fell on my bed. I
looked up at the ceiling and began to express my complete frustration to
the Lord. I asked him why everything was falling apart. I was working
harder than I’ve ever worked before on my mission and I was doing
everything He asked of me but nothing seemed to be going well. I told
him, “I’m so sick of being shut down, lied to, yelled at, rejected, blamed
for things I didn´t do, failed, let down, and made fun of. I’m done. I don´t
want any more of it.” I didn´t know what else to say and just looked
at the ceiling in silence. Then it came to me. “You´re not the only one
who´s been rejected, mocked, lied to, betrayed, let down, and yelled
at. Remember my Son. He went through all of that and so much more.” The
very moment that those words entered into my head my whole attitude changed. I
immediately got on my knees and began to beg forgiveness for the Lord for what I
had said and for my lack of gratitude and faith. I talked to my Heavenly Father
about his Son for a while and then like it says in the Book of Enos “My soul hungered.” I wanted and needed what my Savior had to
offer me: forgiveness, help, comfort, and the chance to start again. I
spent the next hour on my knees repenting and looking for every little thing in
my heart that wasn´t what the Savior had taught. I begged for help to start
again and leave everything else behind. As I finished my prayer I felt more
refreshed than I’ve felt in a long time. I felt like a burden had been lifted
off of my shoulders. Since then I have had so much more faith, hope, patience,
love, and happiness.
Since
I gave everything to the Lord things have been going up here. We´ve been having
a great week since then! Sometimes the Lord brings us to our knees so He can
lift us higher. Daily repentance is something that has become so sacred and
special to me. Using and looking for opportunities to use the atonement of my Savior
has given me so much more gratitude and love for what he did. It has opened my
understanding. I am so incredibly grateful for the atonement of my Savior. That
he made it possible for me to start over every single day even though I don´t
deserve it. I don´t think I’ll ever be able to understand the magnitude of the
atonement but I’m sure learning how to be more grateful for it.
Come
what may and love it!
Hermana
Israelsen
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